Video Ferox

III. THE FILMS (DAY ONE)

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Featuring a Levi’s trade secrets, vampire skateboarders, and an amalgamation of everything little boys secretly fear about grown-up ladies.

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The heads of all the children in the country are doomed to turn into snakes and cockroaches unless an alcoholic doctor can stop a mad Irishman and his hoard of black-suited robots from stealing Halloween!

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Well, Halloween is quickly approaching and I’ve decided that by the time it arrives I’m going to have reviewed all of the HALLOWEEN movies. Why? I don’t know. You can probably find a million web pages with reviews of these movies. And you’ve surely seen the movie before. If you haven’t, you suck at life. Go watch it.

Anyway, I’m not gonna go over the plot, because you all know it. Instead I’ll address various topic under general headings.

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Some of the best — if not all the best — genre films are by directors who stick to the genre. I’m hard pressed at the moment to think of a real solid horror or sci-fi film by a director who simply dipped into the game for one elegant slam dunk of a picture. I’m sure you can prove me wrong. But chances are any exception to the rule is a film by a master director whose vision transcends genre boundaries. (So you can’t throw PSYCHO or THE SHINING in my face). As a horror/sci-fi aficionado, you know that when you’ve got a director whose resume boasts a whopping five films and only one of them qualifies as a genre film, you’re probably getting a movie offering which is about the equivalent of your English Comp essay read to a symposium of bored bourgeois intellectuals. (more…)

Coffee drinkin’ beatniks, smooth talkin’ poet-hipsters, pancake-faced blacksploitation voodoo zombies, and the biggest and palest pair of monster mammories you’ve ever seen on a TV screen! ELVIRA: Mistress of the Dark presents A BUCKET OF BLOOD and I EAT YOUR SKIN!!! Two movies so great they literally lactate awsomeness and a hostess so big boobied her bras are as tattered and stretched out as her awful puns. Yup, get ready to motorboat some titty jokes, cause Elvira’s gonna shove em in your faces.

And so am I. (more…)