Prehistoric Women
Alright, picked up something for myself at the thrift store today. Something I’ve been wanting to see for a long time. PREHISTORIC WOMEN. This flick was made in 1950 and, from what I understand, is the progenitor of the cavewoman genre — your granddaddy’s and your VERY great granddaddy’s favorite slice of cheesecake.
PREHISTORIC WOMEN predates the WILD WOMEN OF WONGO by eight years, and QUEST FOR FIRE by like half a century or something. So I think we got the Lucy of cavewomen movies here.
Okay, so let’s pop this puppy in and watch some fifties-style stripper chicks in unflattering full bodied loin clothes (ain’t no one as daring as Rae Dawn Chong in this flick) catfight each other till it gets boring and we stop paying attention.
Alright so, this is a Rhino Video. Let’s wait for that stupid Rhino catalogue poem shit in the desert (which loyal readers have previously heard me make mention of).
Wait, a second. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!!!
Seriously? Gettysburg?! Somebody taped over PREHISTORIC WOMEN for a documentary on FUCKING GETTYSBURG!? No way no weigh no whey! What a load of dinosaur poop.
And hosted by Stacy Keach? Didn’t I see that guy on an episode of Locked Up Abroad?
I’m can’t believe this. Someone valued PREHISTORIC WOMEN so little they decided to tape over it with a Civil War documentary. It was worth less than a blank tape? The tape itself wasn’t worth the space it took in someone’s video collection unless it had something else taped over it, and that something else was a documentary about the Civil War? Sure, the Civil War was an important part of our history and heritage, but what about our PREHISTORY?! What about our PREHISTORIC WOMEN? They don’t have their own preservation society, now do they?
This is surely a dishonor to the fine and courageous women of the dawn of time who daily fought pterodactyls, wooly mammoths, cyclopeses, sleestaks, and horny Neanderthal dudes — all so that we could be born, so that we could create a civilization, a great civilization that would someday be advanced enough to preserve a series of images onto a medium that was both cheap and reusable, so that we could relive from the safety of our own homes the momentous trials, tribulation, and adventures of our forbears. And surely NOT so that some fucking civil war buff Stoneheart Jackson RV driving costume wearing douchbag could abuse that technology to EFFACE our heritage in a most callous and heartless act of INTELLECTUAL VANDALISM!!!
The world surely has its priorities confused.
. . . . .
Naw, but seriously, I was sorta bummed about this, but then I found out you can download the whole movie here.
Tags: civil war, gettysburg, Prehistoric Women, sleestaks, Stacy Keach, wild women of wongo